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I have almost no friends in Hawaii.

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#1
  • コオリ
  • mail
  • 2024/05/19 00:00

I have lived in Hawaii for over 10 years and now have only one friend. She is not Japanese, cute, very sociable and has many friends, and I only see her once or twice a year. I don't feel lonely because I have a husband and a child, but sometimes I feel lonely. I don't have many friends in Japan, and if I lived somewhere other than Hawaii, I might have lost touch with them.
I don't have many friends, so is it likely that I have a personality problem and say hurtful things to others without knowing it ？?

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#2

I don't have any in particular either. At most, I talk to about two people from where I used to work
occasionally on line. I've never bothered with them. It's troublesome. I have a few friends in Japan, but I only see one when I go back.
My Japanese friends have been friends since I was a student.
I think you can't make friends after you become an adult unless you really
want to be friends from the bottom of your heart.

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#2

I forgot to mention that I have also lived here for over 10 years.

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#4
  • ハワイ暮らし
  • mail
  • 2024/05/19 (Sun) 15:23
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I have lived here for over 20 years and
I get asked "who are your Hawaiian friends ？" and I think
well who are they ？.

I've lived here for over 20 years, so I only know a lot of people.
However, even people I considered friends at the time can change their relationship with me as time goes by. Especially after the Corona Disaster, many people change their jobs or circumstances, so it can be difficult to get to know them.
On this island, it's easiest to keep a wide and shallow circle.
It's not good to go too deep, from my experience.

On the other hand, I am interested to know what kind of relationships people with many friends have
.
Like what kind of topics and how far do they talk about personal things.
I hope most of the girls' talk is not gossip about someone they don't know.

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#5
  • Aloha
  • 2024/05/19 (Sun) 15:52
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Hello, I have been living here for almost 20 years and it seems that friends come and go.
Everyone is busy living here in Hawaii and the small Japanese community. I feel that some people don't dare to make friends.
It's like a shallow relationship.
I think it would be good to make up some hobbies and look for people with similar interests. You can't make friends by sitting around waiting, you have to take action. Don't worry, you will make friends.

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#6
  • コオリ
  • 2024/05/19 (Sun) 23:02
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Thank you to all who responded, including those who emailed me personally.
I thought my personality was the problem, so your sympathy ・ and encouragement made me feel better
When I first came to Hawaii, every Japanese person I met asked me why I came to Hawaii ？ what is your visa ？ are you married ？ do you have a boyfriend I remember when I first came to Hawaii, I was so fed up with being asked the same questions that I avoided joining the Japanese community willingly. I had little chance to meet other people...
Recently, I invited a friend for lunch, but I couldn't contact her because her phone number had changed. I was a little shocked. The last time I texted her was this past February. I have known her for a long time, but I see her only a few times a year, and she changes her phone number from time to time, so I may hear from her again that her number has changed, but I have no other way to contact her because she is not Japanese and does not use LINE or Facebook. I am really disappointed because I wanted to refresh myself with lunch after a long time.
Friends from school days are really important ！ I would like to teach my children to meet many wonderful people during their school days. I don't have any hobbies from now on, so I think I found something for myself.

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#7

I moved here 10 years ago from the mainland U.S. When my children were young, I mainly socialized with my mom's friends, but there were few people I really got along with that well, and after my children left Hawaii for college, I almost stopped socializing with them.
I don't have any interesting topics of conversation with the friends I have met personally, so we meet a few times a year to report on what's going on. However, I have become very close with friends I have met through my hobbies, and my circle of friends has expanded to include other hobbies as well, and I am now living a very fulfilling life. Of course, my friends are not only Japanese, but people of various origins.
As Aloha said, when you think about what you will do after you finish raising your children, it will be very enjoyable to have friends with whom you can enjoy what you like and what you like to do.

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#8

I have lived here for over 20 years. I don't have any particular friends.
On my days off, I drive around with my husband and the dogs. I have a friend at work and we talk a lot, but I don't go out with him in private.
When my child was just born, there were several people in my company who had small children, so we sometimes went to the beach together on our days off, or got together for birthday parties, etc. But now there are only two people I contact occasionally. Some have gone back to Japan, and some have gone to the mainland.
If I grew up in Hawaii and went to school in Hawaii, I would have some friends, but
I came here as an adult, and I thought it was just like that. lol
I don't think they have bad personalities or anything ！.

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#9
  • コオリ
  • 2024/05/23 (Thu) 23:35
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Thank you all for your warm comments and encouragement ！
I probably wouldn't have any friends even if I lived in Japan, but thanks to Vivinavi and everyone for this opportunity to talk here ！.

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#10

I don't have any friends in Hawaii either. When my children were small, I had a lot of mom friends, but they were just mom friends, and once they started kinder, I stopped socializing with them. I also made friends at the Japanese language supplementary school, but I found the Japanese community to be a very difficult and troublesome place to be. They were mean to me, talked behind my back, invited me out for lunch once in a while ？, and when I was happy to go out with them, they were actually soliciting me for insurance or selling Fat Dan cosmetics. I don't know where they came from or why they live in Hawaii, because Hawaii is a place where people's identities are unknown.

I had a fight with my husband the other day and left home unexpectedly, but I laughed at myself because I had no friends and nowhere to go. I didn't know any restaurants that a middle-aged woman could go to alone, and I was afraid to walk outside alone after dark, so I went home before it got dark. Still, I don't really want to have friends in Hawaii.

I am serious, methodical, responsible, caring, and easily hurt, so making friends with people I don't know well that I meet in Hawaii is mildly stressful for me. I try to keep my relationships with people in Hawaii as shallow as possible and avoid deep relationships because I don't want to trust them as friends and then be betrayed and hurt again.

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#11
  • コオリ
  • 2024/05/27 (Mon) 17:09
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Thank you for your personal and sympathetic email and further comments ！
Off topic, but today I saw a family living in Hawaii that I think is quite famous on YouTube. The Japanese wife was sparkling, and I was a little despairing because she looked like heaven and earth to me. I imagined that they were probably going to have an early dinner at a restaurant after that and watch the lantern floating ceremony. But I think he is quite a hard worker...he is always a wonderful person with his YouTube dinner menus.

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#12
  • choco chip
  • 2024/05/27 (Mon) 18:42
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I am a woman living in Hawaii.
US will have a huge gap between rich and poor, not just in Hawaii.
If you are a homeowner, you can exchange information about properties, but if you talk to renters
who are not, they will be turned off.
Whether single, married, or divorced.
I was also solicited by more than 10 different religions and network businesses.
I've been in Hawaii long enough to take it as a plus and wonder
what kind of invitation I'll get next time ！ I'm trying to think of new discoveries . I can't
buy network business products unless someone introduces me to them. There are so many excellent products that I've come to believe that I don't have to be interested in the business to just be a loyal customer. With people who don't have cars, it's a burden to have to drop them off and pick them up for lunch or tea. I think it would make a better impression on everyone if you could take an Uber or Taxi yourself. Saving money is important, but I think it is also important to invest in yourself. If you ask someone to pick you up and drop you off, thank them. You will have a longer lasting relationship with people who have common sense.
If I could meet like-minded people, we could be friends. I think it is a good idea.

Unlike in Japan, everyone's status〔Temporal or Permanent(Permanent)》is different, and for the sake of future relationships
Everyone is used to asking each other about status when they first meet each other.

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#13

I have had various experiences in the mainland U.S., Japan, and Hawaii. I have lived in all of them for more than 10 years. I have had good times and bad times, but I am currently doing my best in Hawaii. I am such a person, but let's all be friends~ ！ I am looking forward to meeting you all. Let's have an off-line meeting or something. ！ I'd love to have a drink with you all!

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#14
  • TV
  • 2024/06/01 (Sat) 19:35
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I myself have only two Japanese friends. I met them recently, too.

I have been involved with others, but I am not in contact with them now. I will not contact them in the future.

I don't like the Japanese community in Waikiki, so I don't go near them at all, and
I live mostly in English.

I don't like the Japanese community in Waikiki, so I don't go near them at all, and I live mostly in English. I have decided
not to get involved at all.

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