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Relatives of Americans Angry at Hawaii Funeral Service

Question
#1
  • Kanikani22
  • mail
  • 2023/06/05 12:42

I have a question for "those who have experience organizing funerals in Hawaii". I would appreciate it if you could share your experiences with me.


My father-in-law's funeral was recently held at a funeral home in Kaneohe. It was a beautiful place with green mountains ........

My relatives are angry with the funeral home because they think there is something suspicious about it.

I, a Japanese person, have never been a mourner at a funeral and have only attended funerals, so I don't know if it is like that or not.
I would appreciate it if you could let me hear your voices for my reference.

I have a question for those who have experience in mourning or supporting mourners.

▪️The funeral contract was paid off 30 years ago before my father-in-law died

Questionable points:

① The ceremony control manager, a 60-something woman, was not supposed to have a greeting at the beginning of the service, nor was she apologetic.

On the day of the ceremony, the ceremony manager herself was so engrossed in handling the audio equipment that she ignored the mourners' calls all the time due to the delayed start of the ceremony.

There was no one in charge of audio equipment on the day ＝ > The ceremony control manager took over for him, but he didn't move ？ He was focused and silent the whole time. He doesn't even look up.

The ceremony did not start even 10 minutes past the start time, and gradually the attendees started scurrying around, so the mourner said, "Let's start with a greeting from the mourner's family representative" and the ceremony started.
After all, the control manager was still absorbed in the operation, not even looking up or answering ？ or rather ignoring it. ！ ！ No apology.

Question: is this normal ？ ？

② I had a contracted photo movie time of the deceased.　Unexpectedly, the sound did not work.

The mourner's family members broadcasted music from their cell phones with a microphone.　There is a gap between the video and the movie, but the movie enters a movie endless state. 。。。。

Mourner's family members even more angry.

No apology from the wedding hall.
The ceremony manager was silent and expressionless, as if the movie was already made.

Mourner's family is angry, but endures complaints to continue the ceremony.


③ Contractual agreement that the company would transport the casket with six people (30 years ago ≪) =>
⚫︎ with three company staff members, using a cart. The company was charged for labor costs

⚫︎The staff's clothes were too rough and unbecoming, both attendees and relatives complained

Relatives were angry that the company should wear appropriate shirts and pay courtesy.

(I, Japanese also said, "That's just not the way we dress in Japan. I was expecting some formal attire even for the ceremony staff, but I was surprised to see them in work clothes. But they were in work clothes.

There was no meeting, so the company has the advantage... Unfortunately.

QUESTION: For a burial, is it still work clothes ？

④ Since it was a burial, the rule was to put a tarp in the ground $ so they charged me an extra 1500 or something like that.　
I tried to peek in to see if it was there that day, but a sentry stood guard and kicked the relatives out, telling them not to come within a 5m radius of my father-in-law's grave.

A sentry with a parasol will stand guard until the grave pit is completely sealed with dirt.
Real I don't know if there was a tarp.

Question:
In the case of a burial, can't you get close to the end ？

My relatives imagined it was like in the movies or something, where the casket is placed in the grave pit and the attendants pour flowers and soil over it.

I'm skeptical that this is a tarp scam ？ 。。。。

There's more, but is this the level of funerals in Hawaii ？
Mutually, my impression is that funeral companies have no courtesy.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#2
  • アグリカルチャー
  • 2023/06/06 (Tue) 14:11
  • Report

I'd like to die in Japan, if at all possible.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#3
  • min
  • 2023/06/08 (Thu) 13:46
  • Report

I was not the one who conducted the funeral, I only attended three funerals of relatives, but all three were at different funeral homes.

The casket was carried in a cart.
The graves were buried in the ground, but the radius of the grave was covered with a sheet so that no one could get close to it.
Before that, no one even tried to approach. We sat on chairs about 4 meters away, including the bereaved family. After the ceremony was over and the graves were entered, I have never experienced attendees pouring flowers and dirt on the graves like in the movie.
After entering the grave, we had refreshments, during which time the staff covered the grave with soil and placed the funeral offering on top of the grave, and the pattern was to go see it after the refreshments.

The employees who covered the graves with soil were in beige work clothes.
They were holding shovels, and I didn't feel uncomfortable, and
there were no complaints from anyone.
The person who died was a well-known, well respected authority in Hawaii, though.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#4
  • 手を合わせて幸せ
  • mail
  • 2023/06/10 (Sat) 23:41
  • Report

I have been to many ceremonies here,
but I have never heard of people not being allowed around a dug hole,
and the workers were in work clothes.
But we have never had an MC who looked down silently,
distracted by the sound. I think that is too much of a mess.
I complained ？
It would be easier if I said something.
I remember a funeral director in Kaneohe, but
it was messy.
A friend of mine is having a rough time.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#5
  • Kanikani22
  • 2023/07/04 (Tue) 00:41
  • Report

Thank you very much to everyone who responded and read this.
Thank you very much for your answers, including your specific experiences.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

#6

I have photographed a funeral. I think it is the same place.
That family was an open casket. If there was a flaw in the sound, they were trying to fix it as quickly as possible, so they must have been concentrating. They must have been troubleshooting a lot of things. As for the flowers, there was a tent at the place where the burial took place, where the family members gave speeches at the end. I remember that before closing the coffin, the mourners handed out flowers to those who wanted to put them in, and they put them in one by one. The family members helped to carry the coffin to the burial hole, and then the staff bulldozed the coffin in. You said that the audio did not work and the ceremony did not go as planned, but if you had agreed in advance to order the audio there, it would be the fault of the funeral home, so you could try to negotiate for a refund if you need one. If you brought your own audio equipment and gave it to them on the day of the service, I don't know if it would be ？ the venue's fault or not.

This text has been translated by auto-translation. There may be a slight difference between the original text and the translation. (Original Language: 日本語)

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